After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
