I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
