just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
