He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize