he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
