Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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