why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i need some magic done to my vagina
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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