We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
