mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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