I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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