i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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