Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
