Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
