That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
