I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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