Can i not drive my cunt home
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
