Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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