Don't you send me to vm
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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