after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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