I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
