I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
