need another drink. this is the easiest way
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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