So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
