hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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