I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
