i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
A bitchslap is in order.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
