I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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