there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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