I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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