My friends, they love my intelligence
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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