Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
