you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
