kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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