look no pants
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
