you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
