he told me I talked like a deaf person
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
