When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
