he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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