And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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