so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
