we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize