I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
