2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
