i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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