There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize