Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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