i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
