Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
