she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
