Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
