I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
