recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
