it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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