Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
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I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
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I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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