She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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