I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
