Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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