i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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